Spice: 🌶️🌶️🌶️🌶️🌶️
This is not something that would normally be in my wheelhouse. I picked it up because of the type of creature one of the love interests is. A basilisk love interest? That's pretty original. I wrote a book where a girl falls in love with a naga years ago, so this concept in general is pretty close to my heart.That would come to bite me on the ass later, but we'll get to that.
I read the first ten percent of this book as a sample on my Kindle. And then, after years of not doing so, I activated my 30 days free of Kindle Unlimited to keep going. Rather than buying it. I’m that cautious, because this is a really unusual choice for me.
So, why did did Kiss of the Basilisk fail to tick all my boxes, and threaten to turn my kindle to stone? Read on and find out.
THIS BOOK IS NOT SAFE TO READ AT WORK. YOU'VE BEEN WARNED.
Twenty year old Temperance Verus has never been kissed. But that's what the basilisk is for.
Along with thirteen other contestants, Tem must train with a basilisk to learn the power of seduction and win the prince's hand in marriage. When Tem is matched with Caspen, the Serpent King, she realizes she might actually stand a chance. But with tensions rising between the basilisks and the humans, Tem is suddenly torn in two directions. As her bond with Caspen deepens, so does her connection with the prince. And when she uncovers a terrible secret about the royal family, Tem finds herself caught between two neither of which she can survive without.
Guaranteed to make you blush (and then some), Split or Swallow is like if fanfic Draco Malfoy went on the Bachelor and had to compete with a snake. Sounds fun, doesn't it? That's because it is!!
My Thoughts
For the majority of time I spent with this, it was a really interesting read. Yeah, there’s a lot of smut going on. But it’s not dull, wasteful, repetitive smut that makes me want to throw my Kindle. It is—somehow—intelligent smut that actually functions within the plot and characterization, rather than pulling me away from those. You see, I don’t hate sex. I hate when sex pulls me away from a story. It feels like watching TV when the commercials come on. But I’m not feeling that way here.
Equally interesting is the fact that we have two love interests and I’m not annoyed yet. Maybe this is because Tem already seems like she’s made her mind up, and I’m only 20 percent of the way through the book. Which means it’s way too early for that. What is Leo’s deal? So far he’s just as blah to me as he’s been to Tem. I’m 100 percent team Caspen right now. Will something happen to make that change?
The world building here is pretty neat. This is a medieval-esque society that is running on modern sexual norms. Tem is devastated, at this point in the book, that she is still a virgin. It is just as normalized within this world for young women to be taken and trained sexually as it was, in ancient times, for them to guard their virginity to the point that they were made to wear chastity belts. As someone who grew up in the mid 90s, I recall how this mentality seemed to shift over the course of about five years when I was in my teens and early 20s. Obviously, that shift started much earlier with the sexual revolution, but I’d argue that we millennials kicked it up a notch.
What hasn’t changed, despite other shifts in social norms, is the way that people in power look down on those who lack it. Whether it be the Basilisks because they lost the war, or Tem because she’s ‘just a farm girl’. We’re starting to get glimpses that something darker may be going on under the surface. There is also the issue that Tem can hear Caspen in her head but can’t respond, and has now started hearing other voices, too. Lindsay Straube is doing a good job at balancing interesting world building and concepts with the central focus on sexy times that her story’s premise blatantly promises.
Another thing I want to point out is that sex is everywhere in this story and world, and that it is extremely normalized. Being sexually active is normal in this world that way chastity would be normalized in the middle ages or with people like the Amish. Also, this book wastes no time in letting you know what it’s all about. The book opens with another girl telling Tem about her latest sexcapades. It in so way tries to hide what it is or what it is examining, yet at the same time manages to examine this idea smartly and with interesting characters. I’m throughly impressed.
Sexuality, in general, is not usually one of my comfort zones. I have disabilities that make the concept honestly more of a bother than it’s worth. Which has always made writing it a bit awkward, and reading it honestly kinda detached and boring. (Cerebral palsy makes it difficult; arthritis makes it actively uncomfortable. And yes, I’m repaying this book the courtesy of being equally as blunt as it is in saying that.)
But one of the cool things about this book, given Tem’s innocence and growth as the story progresses, is that I feel like I am sharing that experience with her. Because the intimacy that she and Caspen are engaged in, and the reality that she is technically being configured for Leo’s use, brings up so many interesting questions about sex and sexuality. And shows a great deal of thoughts that can go through someone’s mind when they are unsure of themself within the concept of sex on the whole.
At 22% now and oh my God, girlfriend has taken on some serious too stupid to live vibes. What’s the big danger of a Basilisk? If they look at you they can turn you to stone. And for some reason, Caspen has lost control and is reverting to his natural form, where this is a danger. He tells Tem to go. Does she listen? No. Does she keep her eyes shut? No. Now, we are only 22 percent of the way through the book, so I’m pretty sure she’s not about to become a life sized tabletop miniature. But still… DUDE. How dumb can you be?!
Oh, holy shit dude. I feel a big freaking DNF coming on. And it’s not the sex, which I find hilarious. Because I initially started reading this to mock my own perceptions of sexuality. Nah, what’s happening here is just… No. And while some will argue the way I went about this is ‘wrong’, sorry, but I don’t have the time or patience to waste on 500-1000 pages of something to get an ending that’s going to make me want to snap my Kindle.
WARNING: huge freaking spoilers for book 2!
Decided to see if there’s a book two because of how much I was enjoying this. Found out there was, and (as someone who actually appreciates spoilers) checked that out. Oh. My. God. I am not continuing this. I can roll my eyes at the cum fountain and the homage to the Human Centipede. But the fact that Tem marries Caspen, betrays him, causes Caspen’s death, then marries Leo, and everything seems like it’s peachy keen? Nah. Fuck that. What the fuck is the point in writing a book about a supernatural species if you’re going to pair the leading lady up with a human for her happy ever after?
Purchase or Pass
The selling point of this story, for me, is the idea of a human and a Basilisk getting together and dealing with the insanity that would bring. I was cool with the idea of tapping into the seductive nature of snakes in general. Which is not necessarily a Basilisk feature, but worked for the kind of book Lindsay Straube was trying to write here. But there is a concept known as an authorial promise, and ultimately, for me, Straube broke it. And that is the most unforgettable crime that can be committed in literature. When an author, rather than a character, breaks a core promise to the reader.
So no, no, and triple no. I am done. Into the DNF Files you go, baby. This book, connected to its sequel, is the kind of story telling faux pas that I would not wish on my worst enemy. Check out the first one to see how something really smutty can be done in an interesting way. But highlight my spoiler and save yourself some devastation—unless you’re one of those girlies who eat that stuff up—before you let yourself get truly committed. Because if you got interested in this for the reason I did, what’s in there is a literary four iron to the teeth.
As for me? I’m outta here. And I still can’t believe it’s this overarching plot bullshit, and not the sex, that put the book in this situation. Because this is a book that I…
Did Not Finish
💔😭😡
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